I didn't choose the Army life, the Army life chose Me

Hi Friends!

So it's been a little over a month since my last post and for that I apologize. My life kind of took a turn for the insane, and I've been spending the last couple of weeks attempting to cope with not only pregnancy but the gravity of the situation my little family has abruptly found ourselves in.

About two weeks ago I came home from work, blissfully ignorant of the bomb that was about to be dropped on my head. As I chattered to LT about my day, I could tell something wasn't right. Besides that I had a weird feeling I hadn't been able to shake all day.

After asking LT what was wrong a couple of times, he finally asked me to come sit with him in the living room. As I sat on the couch beside him, he told me he had received a call that afternoon. He is being attached to a unit that is deploying to Afghanistan, and needed to report for training within thirty days.

I can't exactly describe what I felt in that moment. It felt as if the breath had been knocked out of me, and I promptly began to sob like a baby. LT held me and let me cry for several minutes. I guess you could say I didn't exactly handle the news like a big girl.

As my father, Major Dad, likes to say, "when you join the military deployment isn't a matter of 'if' but 'when'." The thing is, LT had recently joined a Reserve unit that had just got back from Afghanistan. I suppose we thought we were safe from the possibility of deployment, at least for a good while. This wasn't supposed to happen to us, now. 

As I continued to soak LT's shirt, I felt my body shaking. All I could think about was delivering our first baby without LT by my side. I could literally feel my heart breaking. LT called in to work that night so I didn't have to be alone to deal with the news, and we spent the night talking and holding each other. 

The last couple of weeks have literally been a whirlwind. While most families in the unit had months to prepare for the deployment, a few families (like ours)were literally given weeks. And while LT technically had 30 days to report, being the amazing soldier he is, he wanted to get there as soon as possible to meet the new troops he would be working with. So he reported this past Monday.

If you ever studied the cycle of grief, it's ridiculously similar to the emotional lifecyle of deployment. I felt angry that this was happening to us. I felt denial, like it was just a mean joke. I bargained, begging LT to see if there was any way the Army could pick someone else, or send him later after the baby was born. Then after a few days, I just accepted that this was our reality. It was happening, and there was nothing I could do about it. 

I decided the only thing to do was give it up to God. I can honestly say I've never prayed so much in my whole life. I still have those bad days, where I can go from one emotion to another within minutes. But this whole thing has really forced me to put my life into perspective, to be thankful for things that I have.

We are so blessed to have an amazing support system in our friends and family. Both of our parents are within 20 minutes of us. All of my best friends live in DFW. Plus I'm already making friends with the other wives whose husbands are deploying from the unit. And probably the biggest blessing of all:

I'll have a beautiful baby girl to keep me company until Daddy comes home in October.

Much love to ya,

Learning Selfless Love

Hey y'all! Sorry I've been MIA. Just been in a little bit of a funk as of late and haven't felt much like "sharing." Not that life's that exciting at the moment.

Has anyone else noticed that the "short week" following a "long weekend" seems to last forever? Just me? Ok.

Maybe it's because every minute of the last 20 days has been a count-down until LT comes home. And today is FINALLY the day. I swear it has felt so much longer than it's actually been. Looking back, I don't know how we got through Basic and OCS when we were limited to once a week phone conversations that barely lasted 5 minutes. How the hell did we do that?

LT's Basic Graduation- We had to say goodbye again right after because he went straight to OCS.

I think after a year of marriage (and almost 5 years with LT)I've let myself become more vulnerable. I learned to rely on LT for so much more than I ever thought I would. 

After being in an emotionally abusive relationship throughout high school and the first couple of years of college, I'd basically learned to guard my heart like it was always under attack. In fact I think it took a couple of years of dating LT to finally realize what selfless love is, and how to return it. In fact I'm still learning. 

But there's a flip side to this selfless love stuff. I've also learned that it's really easy to take for granted. When LT isn't here, I'm basically on my own. And for all the times I complain about wanting more help around the house, I find myself standing in the mess, totally overwhelmed and very aware of exactly how much he really does for me. Even the little things make a huge difference.

The time LT took me to the pet store to play with puppies because I was having a bad day.

I once read that love is an action, not a feeling. It's more than just telling someone. You have to show them. Somehow I lucked out and found someone who shows me all the time. I can't wait for him to come walking in the door tonight!

Much love to ya,

"A Couple" means TWO!!!

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone refers to more than 2 things as "a couple." C'mon people, isn't this common knowledge? Let's have a quick lesson:

Here are a couple of beers.

Anything more than two would be considered at the least, a few.

A few beers.

Or even several.

Several beers.

But problems arise when you start throwing around "a couple" all willy-nilly. LT. is guilty of this offense pretty frequently. 

Take our discussion about how long he was going to be gone with his unit. He told me "a couple of weeks." Imagine my dismay when I looked at my calendar this morning and realized the dates aren't adding up. Even though he's been gone almost week, it will still be A COUPLE OF WEEKS before he's back. Well, minus one day. So I'm rounding up, big deal. The principle is totally the same.

My point being that the use of "a couple" in this instance set me up for a humongo let down. Here I was thinking we were half-way through. I've been feeling under the weather and overwhelmed but it's ok, he'll be home in a week! Except, not. 

I'm sorry.

There's just been a lot going on in life and I feel pretty overwhelmed with it all. It's amazing how much you take people for granted until they aren't around, even if it's just for a short time. Despite my "independent woman" act I put on, I really need him.

Thank God for my sweet Mom who has popped in and out this week to check on Winnie in the afternoons. I even came home to a clean kitchen a couple of days ago. I seriously don't know what I'd do without her. I love you, Mom.

And I love you too, LT. I know you didn't mean to mislead me even though you KNOW how seriously I take "a couple". And I know I just need to shut my pie hole and be thankful that you put up with a woman as anal as myself. I just really miss ya is all...

Well, I'm exhausted from this rant. I think I'll go take a nap in my car now!

Much love to ya,

I'm back from my Disney-Zombie-Baby Fest!!

Wait what? HA! For all three of y’all who are following, I’m sorry it’s been a while.  Last week we were out of town (more on that in a sec) and the week before that, well, I was suffering from blogger-block and really having a hard time coming up with stuff to write,and feeling kind of discouraged, mostly because things really weren’t so exciting, but then they were. Oh yes, they were.

So last week LT. Hubs and I had our 1-year anniversary on the 7^th and celebrated it fancy-restaurant style. We went to Truluck’s and it was fabulous. We even got a free dessert. NOM NOM!!

The VERY next evening we flew out to Orlando to meet my family and we spent the next two days at Disney World celebrating Major Dad’s return from his deployment. Why Disney World, exactly? Well I’ll tell you.

The last time Major Dad deployed was during the Gulf War back in the 90s. My brother and I were bitty at the time—like 2 and 4 years old. When Major Dad came home, we went to Disney World. Actually we celebrated my 5^th birthday there. Minnie Mouse personally gave me my Bath Time Fun Barbie:



And also my Go Go Walking Pup which I proudly paraded around the resort in all of her slow-going animatronic glory:

That’s right, be jealous. Anyway, since then our brood multiplied and I have two younger sisters who are now 17 and 21. And they had never been to Disney World. So my parents promised when Major Dad got back from this deployment, we would all go again as a family. So we did, and it was magical.



LT. Hubs, Moi, Lil' Bro, Bit, Bear

Unfotunately most of the Disney pics were captured on the Rents' camera, and I have not yet gained possession, so you will just have to trust that we actually did make it inside the Magic Kingdom, and it was a blasty.

After two straight days of dawn to dusk Disney, we flew to Austin because LT. Hubs was in a wedding. At that point I was like something out of The Walking Dead but after a good nap I was ready for all the craziness wedding stuff entails. All I can say is thank God I wasn't IN the wedding cause I would have been the worst bridesmaid ever.

Since I suck at selfies (as in, forget to take them, which is apparently a big deal in blogland so I need to work on it I KNOW) the only record of our attendance at this joyful occassion lies with the protographer that was there. My husband was so clearly the best looking groomsman and since he was otherwise occupied I yucked it up with a bunch of his frat brothers and their dates. A friendly bunch.

Saturday afternoon we flew home and I was SO excited to see Winnie because I missed her SO much...and we did nothing but sit on our butts and watch TV the rest of the day.

Sunday I went to the baby shower of one of my very best BFFs, hosted by one of my other very bestest BFFs. I'm still coming up with good nick names for all of my besties, so I'll just use the ones they gave eachother: Tit 1 and Tit 2. Yes, there is a backstory but I don't feel like explaining it--sorry bout ya. Anyway, here they are. Aren't they pretty?

Moi, Tit 1 (Preggers), Tit 2

So as you can see, things really have been cray, and are about to get nuttier because we are about to close on our first HOUSE on Monday! Eeee!! It has been a LONG process but we've been blessed that it's gone relatively smoothly. Suffice it to say the majority of my weekend will be spent packing--No, we haven't started packing, but it's totaly fine, because our lease doesn't end until August 5th so calm down.

It's also possible one or two melt-downs might occur. We shall see...we shall see...

Also...a few more 90s toy commericals. Happy Wednesday!

A Hooah Kinda' Love- Diving in Head First

This week has been somewhat slow-going and I’ve struggled to come up with something of relevance to chit chat about--until this morning.

As I was refilling my Bubba in the break room, a co-worker told me she thought about me the other day because her step daughter just got engaged to a Marine.

***I feel that I must clarify that LT. Hubs is not a Marine. He’s in the Army, but most people don’t understand the difference and tend to lump it all together.  I’ve found it’s easiest to use the analogy that the Army and Marines are like two completely different fraternities. They’re both part of the same military system but they are separate brotherhoods and there’s a healthy competition between the two. Anyways, if you happen to find yourself in a conversation with a soldier or Marine, it’s good to know because if you get them confused they will correct you. Just don’t mix up your Hooahs with your Oorahs.

--but back to the break room conversation.  My friend told me that the Marine is going to be stationed in Japan for a year after the wedding.  I asked if her step daughter would be going along. She said no, she would stay in the states and complete school. She’s only 18.

I couldn’t help but raise my eyebrows at this, exclaiming “Oh, wow! She’s a baby.”  Not that I’m opposed to the idea of “young love.” In fact my best friend and her husband have been together since they were 15, so I know it’s possible, but I also know it’s hard. It’s hard enough growing up and figuring yourself out, without the challenges of newly wed life. Toss being a military wife into the mix, with an ocean between you and your new husband, and what chance do these kids have?

If there’s one thing I will say about military life, it forces you to grow up fast. It teaches you the true meaning of sacrifice. You know what you’re getting yourself into when you say “I do” to a soldier (at least, you better) but nothing can ever really prepare you for what it means. I say this, and LT. Hubs hasn’t even been deployed (yet). But we have experienced distance, and it’s hard.

After we got married, LT. Hubs left for nearly six months of Engineer School in Fort Leonard Wood, MO. We had done the long distance thing many times between different colleges and military training, but it was the first time I had ever lived by myself, besides Winnie. It made for an interesting newly-wed experience. We really didn’t have much time to settle into life together before he had to leave. And even though we were lucky enough to see each other a few times, each goodbye was like breaking a bone that had just reset.  The goodbye is the hardest part.

I think military families are more aware than most people that nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. When you fall in love with someone in the armed forces, you have no choice but to dive in head first, knowing that deployment isn’t a question of if, but when. You go in knowing that there will be times when you are lonely as hell, that there will be really bad days. And it doesn’t matter if they are in another state, or another country, you have to learn to make do without one half of your heart. The times you have together you will never back.

In less than a week, LT. Hubs and I will be married one year. It isn’t a long time at all, but I feel like I’ve learned a lot. So as I sit here thinking about this teenage girl about to send her heart overseas, I found myself wondering if maybe a young, reckless love isn’t so bad in this case? Maybe it makes diving in head-first a little easier, a Hooah kinda' love.

Their chances might be pretty good after all.