DO NOT RUB FOR GOOD LUCK

I haven't really mentioned but LT. and I have both had brain malfunctions this week which both resulted in great pains in our asses.

I'll start with mine.

So I left my debit card at a restaurant across town last month and have yet to go pick it up. Yesterday I finally decided it would be easier to request a new card. Cause instead of driving for 10 minutes I'd rather have it delivered to my doorstep in 3 days for an expedited fee of $8. Don't judge me.

As I was online filling out the request, I remembered that LT. has been needing a new debit card too. Ever since Winnie got his wallet a couple of months ago and chewed up most of its contents the bite-holes have made his card barely functional. So I thought to myself, I'll do a nice wifely turn and order him a new debit card too!

I was so proud of myself for being such a sweet wife. But only for about two minutes, because pretty shortly after I submitted the request I realized I had cancelled LT.'s only source of cash. And he's out of town. For another week.

Of course I panicked and called the bank only to be told that the cancellation was automatic and there wasn't anything they could do. 

"You probably want to call and let him know as soon as possible!" Bank lady suggests sweetly.

Thank you, bank lady. I would totally do that except LT. washed his phone in the laundry last week and it's completely dead now. You see my problem. Also you now know LT.'s brain malfunction.

So poor LT is out in the boonies, completely unaware that he's poor, and I have no way to get in touch with him. I spent the rest of my day stewing, wondering under what circumstance my unsuspecting husband would realize he was screwed.

I found out this morning when he finally called me.

LT: "Hey. We have a problem."

Me: "I think I already know what this is about."

LT: "Well, you don't have a problem. I have a problem."

Me: "Yeah...I'm pretty sure I know what it is."

LT: "I have no money."

ME: "I know...[insert rambling explanation about how I was only trying to be a good wife] and, Baby, I'm really, really sorry!"

Actually LT. was pretty cool about it. He has this odd way of not freaking out over things that are completely freak-worthy. Apparently our bank can wire him money, which would have been nice to know yesterday.

Anyways he should be getting a replacement phone today too, and thank GOD for it. Not being able to talk to him for extended periods of time takes me back to when he was at basic training. Worst ever.

And that is the story of how LT's and my brain malfunctions collided into one super malfunction. But it's all good. We're all good.

Much love to ya,

Tall Tails: Tough Love for Winnie

First off I just want to apologize for not staying on top of this little bloggy space of mine. The truth is y'all, I've felt like crap the last few days. The best way I can describe it is a hangover 24/7--only I haven't been drinking! What a rip-off.

I even took a nap in my car during my lunch break yesterday.

Needless to say my free time has been spent on the couch either sleeping or watching TV. Also LT. Hubs is gone for the next two weeks with his unit. He's only been gone a couple of days but it feels like a lot longer and the worst is being sick when you're all by yourself. I miss having someone to whine at and give me hugs even though I'm being overly dramatic. Cause that's what husbands are for right? We'll go with that.

Anyways on to Tall Tails with Adriana and Katie!

As you know we moved into our new house a few weeks ago, and it's been a huge adjustment, especially for Winnie. I naively assumed that once we had a yard she would be automatically inclined to do her biz in it. I mean she's out there most of the time anyway. Uhmmm, not suh much.

As it turns out she'd rather go ALL OVER THE DAMN HOUSE. My once mostly potty-trained pup suddenly has no bladder control whatsoever. Not only that, but we have powder blue carpet from 1984 so wherever she goes leaves ugly green splotches, no matter how hard I scrub. And the splotches are EVERYWHERE. 

So we've basically decided that we're going to have to start from square one and re-potty train which is beyond frustrating. Here's the problem: I suck at disciplining her. I mean, look at her.

I know you love me even if I'm a huge pain in the ass, Mommy.

We've let her have the run of the house up until this point, which obviously was the worst idea ever. It basically became a pee-for-all. But at the apartment she knew to go to her potty pad at the back door if we weren't home to take her out. We thought she'd put two and two together eventually. Clearly she hasn't made that connection yet.

So I've gone back to gating her in the kitchen during the day, like when we first got her. I really hate leaving her all penned up like that for hours and hours by herself. We don't have the doggy door yet so she can't even go outside to chase squirrels. She has her bed and her toys, but it just seems so lonely and makes me feel like a bad mom.

I even leave the radio on for her so it's not like total solitary confinement.

Am I being over dramatic? How do you feel about leaving your furbaby home alone all day?

Much love to ya,

Tall Tails: Winnie's Posh Life

Well, hey there, strangers.

Sorry I was MIA yesterday. It was my least fave time of the month, the due date for all the VP's AMEX reports, which I do for them. Of course, I can't actually do anything until I have all the receipts. And, of course, they waited to give them to me until 2 days before the reports are due. 

Let me just take this moment to say, if you're a VP or an exec of some sort, please take hot second to think of the little people. We know you're more important than us, and we're happy to help you. I mean, that's our job after all. But sometimes you make it hard. Very. Hard.

But I digress. On to Tall Tails with Adriana and Katie! I present to you: 

3 Ways my Dog is probably more spoiled than your dog:

1) When we first brought her home, I purchased a Bun Bed, which is a dog bed specifically designed for dachshunds.

2) I just bought Doggy Steps for her to jump on our bed whenever she pleases.

They should be here any day now.

3) Toys. So many toys.

She literally has her own toy box.

And those are only 3 of the ways. How do you spoil your furbaby?

LINK IT UP!!

I'M GOING BALD.

Ok, that may be a slight exaggeration. 

But I have been "shedding" a bit more lately, I just didn't realize how noticeable it was until last night. Here's how it went down.

The Scene: LT. Hubs and I, peacefully lounging together before he had to leave for his shift.

LT.: Are you losing your hair?

Me: [stunned silence]...what--am I--DO I HAVE A BALD PATCH OR SOMETHING?

LT: [Laughing] Noooo! I said that too bluntly.

Me: Uhmmm, yeah. You can't just ask your wife if she's losing her hair! But seriously, why did you ask me that? 

LT: I'm just finding a lot of hair everywhere, in the tub, in the sink.

Me: Sorry. More than usual?

LT: Well, you do shed. But I still think you need to relax.

End Scene

Anywho, LT's suggestion for me to relax, while sweet, also struck me as ironic, because I've been a total lazy ass this entire week. I have accomplished nothing but this:

And this:

Literally, I have not wanted to do a damn thing. Maybe it's me feeling overwhelmed from the move. Or possibly because I haven't been sleeping well (Winnie has woken me up around 2am every night since we've been in the house).

Whatever the case, I have pretty fine hair as it is and I can't really afford to be losing it, whether it's stress-related or not. 

Has anyone else had this problem before? Any recommendations for a product I could try to strengthen my straggly strands??

Much love to ya,

Tall Tails: All of our Neighbors Probably Hate Us

I feel like we have taken about 10 steps backwards in Winnie's training since moving into the house only TWO days ago. I'm trying to be understanding about the fact that she's adjusting, just like us. But seriously--she is being a colossal ass-hat.

First, she seems to have completely forgotten the point of her pee pad. Every morning I walk out to at least 2 puddles right outside our bedroom door. Really?! This is why we bought a house with a yard.

Ah, yes, the big glorious yard, which she is enjoying immensely by the way. It's so cute to watch her romp around. It makes my heart smile when she chases after a bird or a squirrel, something she never got to do at the apartment. You can tell she is just so happy, which is what every mother wants for their furchild, right? 

So this morning I wake up, let Winnie out to pee, but then she wouldn't come back inside. Instead she starts running around the yard and howling at the top of her tiny lunges like the survival of all humanity depended on it. 

At this point it's still kind of dark, and I don't have my contacts in, so all I can see is a little black blur zooming back and forth. I can't tell what she's barking about but I'm pretty sure it's nothing. 

After several minutes of this I start to become very concerned about our neighborly good standing. So I start to chase Winnie around the yard in my pajamas, trying to wrangle her. Also, I'm basically blind. This only seems to encourage the madness because,DUH, chase is her favorite game ever. But this was pre-coffee so I wasn't thinking clearly, obviously.

I manage to get her within a few feet of the door only to have her burst into a fresh round of Roooooos and take off again. I needed to leave for work in less than an hour. 

By this time I'm basically in the worst mood ever, so I went back inside to make my coffee, which usually makes everything better. The Roos continued and the caffeine just made me hyper-aware of how annoyed I was.

I take a shower.

Roooooo!

I blow-dry my hair.

Roooooo!

I put on my makeup.

Roooooo!

Eventually she must have decided everyone in the neighborhood was sufficiently pissed awake and came trotting happily into the kitchen. I was so mad at her I just slammed the door after her and stomped upstairs to finish getting ready.

Oh, she knew she was in trouble. She followed me shamefully upstairs and hopped into the bed. She burrowed under the covers and didn't come out until I was about to leave.

Y'all, usually I can't stay mad at her long. I mean, look at this face:

But this morning I couldn't help it. I even begrudged her her goodbye kisses when I left for work. What kind of mother am I?

Fed up is what I am. 

I don't want to be that "rude couple up the street" with the yappy dog, the ones the neighbors all complain about. I'm a considerate person, damnit! But I'm really at a loss for what to do. 

It's one thing if it was something that only effected us, but if she keeps at this every morning our new neighbors will definitely hate us, if they don't already. Plus I'm not a morning person as it is and dealing with this sort of nonsense on a daily basis will not be good for my sanity.

What's a puppy Mamma to do???

Link it up!

Much love to ya,

The Weekend I Smelled like a Man

I apologize in advance for the semi-coherent nature of this particular post. You see, I didn't think I could be any more exhausted then I was on Friday but ohhh it's possible.

Since LT. and I are completely brilliant individuals, we waited until the last minute to pack everything. We thought to ourselves, "oh we don't have that much stuff." 

But you see, we do have that much stuff. So much random crap. And we spent most of the weekend going back and forth hauling said-crap from apartment to house in the 102 Texas heat. Thank God for good friends who came to our rescue. 

The worst part is I have no idea where among all the crap the stuff I actually need is. So all of a sudden it's Monday and trying to get ready for work this morning was a complete fiasco. I couldn't find anything. That's pretty much how it was the whole weekend. I couldn't find my shampoo/conditioner so ended up using LT.'s. I smelled like a man all weekend. Thank God I found my Dove this morning, even though I couldn't find my shoes. 

Anywho, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling totally overwhelmed. The house is a disaster. Winnie keeps peeing everywhere because she doesn't grasp the concept that she has a whole damn yard to go in now. We still have a few more things to get out of the apartment before we have to turn in the keys today.

I also have to say that LT. Hubs is the best husband in the world. He's been doing all the heavy lifting during the move. Also he found my box of shoes this morning, preventing an epic hissy. Thousands of lives were spared.

I really just can't wait to be settled and back on a semi-normal routine, but I know it's going to take a while. Everyone keeps telling me to take it one thing at a time, but I honestly don't even know where to start. 

Advice, anyone?

Much love to ya,

I'ma try this out- 5 on Friday

This morning I discovered Darci at The Good Life and really it was perfect timing because she has an awesome link up called 5 on Friday. It is the perfect solution to my scatter-brain.

1) I'm so...tired... I had to wake up at 5am to have LT. at the airport by 6:30am. Since there was no point in going back home for 30 minutes I have been at work since 7am. And I know some of y'all are probably like "Wah, wah, wah, I do that every day." Well good for you but I don't and I'm about to faceplant into my keyboard.

2) Last night I had my first anxiety attack over moving a week from today and how we have gotten absolutely nothing accomplished yet. Thank God it was half-price wine night at Macaroni Grill. Silly Macaroni Grill with your crayons and your house wine "honor system..." 

3) We came home from the Mac and found six piles of pooh all over the apartment. SIX. This is not normal. After further investigation (and lots of gagging) I came to discover a freakin earbud in one of the poo nuggets. She had EATEN it off LT.'s headphones. 

4) Later that night I couldn't find my phone but was too tired to care. This morning we found it under the bed--sans Otter Box. Winnie had struck again. Mercifully my phone was mostly ok, but I'm starting to sense a pattern. Is my miniature dachshund trying to tell us that we're too "connected" and need to be spending more "family time?" Just thinking out loud here.

5. Five..five...what should be five? I realized after I took my last dose of Z this morning that I hadn't heard from CVS about my prescription being refilled, which is odd. I looked at the bottle and realized in horror that there is NO AUTOMATIC REFILL. This is probably the worst time to run out anti-anxiety meds, y'all. Hoping I can put a rush-order in on that today. In the meantime...coffee.

 

I'm realizing my 5 are kind of bitchy. Sorry, it's just been one of those mornings. Hopefully yours is better. But at least it's Friday!

 



Much love to ya,

 



Tall Tails: Winnie and the Sweater of Shame

I recently learned that Dachshunds are the #1 Naughtiest Dog and I was not surprised in the least. If you've ever had a Doxie, you can attest to the fact that while adorable, they are also little punks who spend 90% of their time looking for some way to piss you off (or at least that's how it feels). I will demonstrate in a series of pictures.

Baby Winnie- 6 weeks old. So innocent, so sweet...

Oh how naive we were.

It started harmlessly enough.

But it got worse.

Her Toys

My Goggles

Her recently acquired taste for LT.'s gaming controllers, laptop adapters, or anything else with rubbery goodness.

Also, she has a drinking problem.

 

But the worst is the barking. Oh dear God, the barking. And it's not because she's hungry (her food and water bowls are full)or because she needs to pee (the back door is wide open). It's just for the hell of it. Because obviously we can't pay attention to anything else but her. She barks until we play, or until our ears bleed. It ruins otherwise pleasant conversation and movie-watching experiences.

Well, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures, and our measure is the Sweater.

We knew Winnie didn't like her sweater, but had no idea of it's magical powers until one fateful day, while LT. was home for leave during the holidays. At the time LT. was unaccustomed to the barking sprees, and in an act of desperation, he shoved her into the sweater. Suddenly--silence. She froze in place and stared up at him in shocked bewilderment. What is this forcefield? This woolen prison?

We don't know the source of it's power, and we don't care. All we know is it's been a life saver. It's like a pink straight-jacket, and it's almost become a party trick of sorts. She's a completely different dog when we put it on her, docile, sweet...but as soon as it comes off, watch yo-self.

LINK IT UP!!!!

Much love to ya,

 

LINDS AND LT. ARE IN DUH HOUSE!!!

Hi Friends! Sorry I was MIA yesterday. You see, we were kind of busy--CLOSING ON OUR HOUSE!! WHAT WHAT?! Wait--did we just become adults?

Also, my stomach had me squirming in pain all Monday. I'm think it was from all the crap I ate over the weekend. Will I ever learn??

My weekend recap:

Friday evening we found ourselves back in our old stomping grounds and LT. Hubs surprised me with a sno-cone date at the ol' Bedford Snoball stand. It was my first official sno-cone of the summer...clearly we're behind on the times. And it was delectable. I went with the "gourmet" wedding cake flavor. LT. Hubs went with pina colada with gummy worms...yum?

Saturday I packed stuff up and y'all--we have so much crap. That's all I'll say about that. I hate packing.

Sunday was Family Day at LT.'s unit. I was hestitant to take pictures because I'm not sure what the rules are when it comes to publishing military stuff on the inter-web. Of course Winnie is part of our family so I brought her along and she made a friend with Choco the 7-month-old sheep dog.

It was a fun day but the Texas sun really takes it out of you.

Sunday after church LT. Hubs and I suddenly had a raging craving for Red Lobster cheesy biscuits. It was fulfilled.

 

Also the baby birds (Did I mention we have a nest of baby birds above our stoop?) are getting bigger. I really hate birds and am only tolerating them because they are so tiny and defenseless. They stretch up their muppet-like bobble heads and open their mouths as wide as they can when they hear us coming. They have that ugly-cute thing going on. But their parents are terrifying.

It was a pretty good weekend but not much relaxing going on, and I don't see any in the foreseeable future because once I get the keys to the house, I'ma tear that place up. And by tearing it up I mean the God-awful powder blue carpet from 1984. I don't know if we'll be able to afford to replace it but I would rather live on bare concrete then see that every day.

Is this about to turn into a DIY blog? I have no idea but if it is please don't set your expectations too high.

Also since I didn't post yesterday I'm going to hit a double and link up with Adriana and Katie for a Tall Tails post. Stay tuuuuned!

Much love to ya,